9 August 2014

Life plans and goals

I'm graduating in the next four months! *gulp* The real life is about to start...now?
So what is next? I just can't sleep well at night knowing I don't have any plans yet for the next few years. It took me awhile to actually explore my options. After all majoring in Economics all I learn everyday is how to plan, what will happen when you fail to plan, blah blah blah. You might say I sound very mata duitan-ish, but hey that is basically everything I learn at school. Can't help it, sorry!

Some of my friends choose to get married ASAP, some of them think degree isn't enough to survive in this challenging world so they choose to stay in school for the next few years, etc etc etc. 

So yes now I can sleep better at night knowing what to do next. 
But remember we can only plan but Allah/God is the best of planners. 

I know some people let their parents plan their life for them, but I took control of my life right after SPM and fully responsible for it. Signing up for almost 1 million contract right after SPM is pretty darn scary. Well... guess what?  I did not stick to the plan, I've made few changes for the last few years from the original plan I had in mind but all is good because Alhamdulillah God have better plans waiting for me. ;) 

Point is, you don't actually have to stick with your plan but knowing what you are up to for the next few years will definitely help you to live your life better. The key is to be very specific and reasonable. This is a plan, not a dream. You can dream big or go home, but life plan should totally be a realistic one! I'm not going to share my life plans and goals with you guys (it is something very personal okay) but glad to know that now I KNOW what to do next. I already have a plan on when will I buy my first home - realistically. Ok maybe I have gone too far now lol but hey I ain't getting any younger honey! 

2 August 2014

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

No matter how hard I try to counter the arguments I have in my head, I fail to feel better. I have never been this sad in my entire life. Ok maybe once, when I was at the end of my first year, walked out of the student advisor's office, I was so sad I could not hold it anymore, I sat down on a sofa at the Student Union's Building and started crying.

I felt dumb, stupid and worthless. I felt embarrassed, but I could not hold my tears.

I remember every details of what happened on that day. It was really painful. But I got one supportive friend who helped me go through my horrible days until it is over and help me to stand up on my feet again. I am forever thankful to that person. To think about it, I owe that person my life.

Fast forward 3 years after that, today, it's the same feeling again. I wish I could spare you the details, see which sides you'll take. But it doesn't matter, the damage has been done. It's the same dumb, stupid, and worthless feelings that I had when I was at the lowest point of my life.

I know I'll get up someday and will be able to stand up on my feet again. I know I am one hell of a strong girl. It's part of my survival skills that I have built over the years. I once thought no bullets could pass through this inner wall of mine that I built made out of steel. Little did I know words could crawl up the wall like a snake and poison me directly from the inside.

I will remember today, for the rest of my life. I will continue to grow with this memory and feelings forever in my little head. The wound that never heals, even if it eventually did, the scar will be permanent. I hope that you will notice how much damage you've done to me, but I'm glad you didn't. Because, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.

29 July 2014

Have you been abused mentally, physically or verbally?

Have you ever been abused mentally, physically or verbally? You don't need a long checklist to know if you've been abused. You may know nuts about psychology, but you don't need a degree in Psychology to know that you have been abused, and psychologically damaged.

The abuser could be your friend, your spouse, your partner, your siblings, even your own parents. Contrary to popular cultural belief that parents are all saint, they are humans too. They deal with personal issues and can sometimes be abusive. I have witnessed my own childhood friend got abused physically and mentally. I was too young to understand, all I thought was maybe she deserved it, because she is naughty or did something wrong. After all, why would your parents beat you up for no reason, right? All parents love their child unconditionally, isn't it? At least this is what I was being told. I was shocked when I found out in Psychology articles that parents can be abusive and capable to hate their own kids. So my whole life is a lie? It is not a surprise because all I have been hearing all my life; sayangkan anak tangan-tangankan, syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu, you won't go far in life without your parent's blessings, you will go to hell if your parents think you're anak derhaka. This powerful figure has the authority in everything you do in your life. The list goes on, but I hope you get the picture.

Why no one deserves it? Because it is so damaging to your personality, you will keep on blaming yourself. Why am I stupid? Why am I useless? I'm so useless I can't achieve great things in life. I deserve to be punished because I am dumb that's why I make mistakes. I am son of a b*. You've heard it enough that you are forced to believe it, even without realizing it. Your self esteem went downhill. You are so desperately looking for the approval that you know you will never get. You envy the relationship that others have that you could not have. And you ask yourself again what did I do wrong this time?

This is toxic as you will carry these in your head later in your life. The damaging effects will come later in life (behaviour) be it with your social life with other people, your performance, how you treat others, with your co-worker, your own kids, basically everybody around you.

I like this quote that I read on an article, "Physical abuse leaves scars, whereas a venomous tongue has the ability to create wounds that never heal."

My advice? Get immediate help. Reach out to the right people. Many places offer therapy that you can go. Find a support group online, if you feel shy to tell others. Recognize the toxic people in your life and get rid of it from your life A.S.A.P. You are worth it, you don't need to tolerate with the abuser, you have feelings and it matters. No one deserves to be treated like crap, we all need to be respected. I cannot stress enough that you are worth it. If you know someone got abused, lend him or her your shoulder for them to cry on. Saying things like keep on praying, keep on making duas, you need to keep calm isn't working - as comforting as it sounds to you - they don't feel it this way. It is as if you're putting the blame on them again - it is always them, not the abuser. The abuser is always right and they're always a piece of shit and their feelings don't matter. Be careful with the choice of words you want to use when helping them. It is not easy for them to come out, so when they do, be as supportive as you can. The worst thing you could do to the vulnerable victim is hurting them even more with your words.

5 May 2014

In the midst of Spring

Image source: Google

Ohhh I've been really busy last month with my final exam and I was working a lot as well. I'm so excited for May mainly because of the beautiful Spring weather! Well, who doesn't? 

I've got plans for Spring such as;
do more crafts
jog everyday
read a novel
take more pictures and videos
learn how to use photoshop
be happy
update blog often
and the list goes on...

If I'm not lazy I'll post a review on my recent trip to New York. I went to New York twice last year, I almost can't believe myself because flight tickets aren't cheap and I'm only a student. I think I could go to France with all that money I've spent just on transportation. Had a bit of drama (stranded in NY because of the blizzard) while we were there but nothing too extreme. It was a fun trip overall! 

I'm going to spend my Summer in Asia (my hometown yay!) this year. I wish I could go to Bangkok, Bali, Krabi and Sabah and few more islands around Malaysia but sadly I can't because I'll be in Asia for a short period of time. Next year maybe! Travelling is so fun: everytime I travel I need to step out of my comfort zone, I challenge myself, I immerse myself in the culture (more or less), and at the end of my trip the feeling of satisfaction is priceless (ok just kidding, it is still pricey though).

I never picture myself like in the movie Eat, Pray, Love when I travel. I definitely feel satisfied but maybe it isn't long or spiritual enough for me to feel like I've been reborn. Once the trip is over, the reality kicks in, I go back to doing whatever I'm supposed to do and start planning on my next trip. The cycle continues..but I'm not complaining.

Image source: Google

9 April 2014

Ipsy April 2014 (Updates!)

I got this email from Ipsy yesterday! 

I'm so excited for this month's bag because from the spoilers/sneak peak they posted (where they give hints on what products will be featured that month) it will include products from Benefit, Urban Decay and other products that I would like to get my hands on! Yikesss :D Have you subscribed to Ipsy yet? Click the link to subscribe to Ipsy for $10/month now!








It is similar to Topbox, founded by the popular youtuber make up guru Michelle Phan. 
Details on Ipsy will be posted later!

Merci Ma Chéri

30 March 2014

Topbox March 2014 (Philosophy)

For the month of March I've wished for Philosophy Privé Topbox and I got it swapped with regular Topbox at no cost! Here's what I got in the box:

Miracle Worker Miraculous Anti-Aging Concentrate 3.6ml ($9.72)
featuring breakthrough peptide technology that bolsters skin's natural ability to self rejuvenate as it helps support natural collagen, resulting in increased firmness. Formulated with multiple antioxidants this hydrating, water-based gel helps protect the skin against free radical attack, and oil-free formula is appropriate for use under makeup, sunscreen or moisturizer. 
Full Size: 30ml       Price: $81

New! Designed to help visibly improve the look of your skin. Key ingredients for your nighttime rejuvenation include marine algae extract, a unique milk peptide complex, hydrators to lock in moisture while you sleep and Vitamin C and lactic acid, which enhance radiance for miraculous mornings. 
Full size: 60ml       Price: $82

Ageless skin begins with a miraculous cleanser. Gently exfoliate with lactic acid as it completely cleanses and conditions for more radiant, youthful-looking skin. The creamy formula completely removes surface dirt and oil while leaving skin feeling comfortable, and multitasks as a weekly brightening mask when left on the skin for 3-5 minutes.
Full Size: 240ml      Price: $36

Philosophy's exclusive hpr, high-peformance retinoid, delivers all the benefits of retinoid with less potential for irritation. It helps speed surface cell turnover and support natural collagen to dramatically improve the look wrinkles and discoloration, as targeted peptides reduce under-eye bags and dark circles.
Full Size: 15ml      Price: $78

This month's box estimated retail value in total is $34.19 and I saved around ~$22.19! In the past I've tried exactly two items from Philosophy, the Purity Made Simple and The Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash. I've stopped using both because I found Purity dried out my skin and it is not something that I'm looking for especially in this extreme winter weather. While I love the Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash more than Purity, it is definitely not an everyday face cleanser for me. One day I accidentally left the bottle by the window in my bathroom and the whole bottle freezes up overnight (now you know how cold it is) and changed the texture so I threw it out. 

Philosophy is definitely a well-known brand and price wise it is definitely a little bit more expensive (but it lasts forever). I can't wait to try their new line Miracle Worker, especially the eye cream as I'm looking for one to reduce my no-shame dark circles. I'll wait until the winter is over to try the cleanser because I've been loving my current skincare products that suits me well this winter. 

If you want to try Philosophy's new Miracle Worker line, make sure you check out   Miracle Worker Miraculous Skin Collection and Box of Miracles Miraculous Anti-Aging Skin Care Discovery Set both from Sephora.

Merci Ma Chéri

26 March 2014

Topbox April Wish List

Every month Topbox will send you an email to give you an opportunity to swap your regular Topbox for any of the Privé Topboxes in the wish list. Please keep in mind that this is only a wish list and you are not guaranteed for the Topboxes you select. If you do not receive your selected Topbox, you will receive a regular Topbox instead.

I think wish list and Privé Topbox are awesome. This is how I got my Givenchy, Philosophy and Lancome Topbox in the previous month. That means instead of not knowing what items I'll get next month, I'm able to select and know the items beforehand, given if I'm one of the randomly selected recipients. My trick is if you see what you like, just wish for it! In the past I got all of the Privé Topboxes that I wished for except once.

For the month of April, there are only two Privé Topboxes available to choose from.

Privé Topbox #1: Dermalogica Topbox

Multi Active Toner (60ml)
PreCleanse (30ml)
Daily Microfoliant (13g)
Solar Defence Booster (10ml)

Privé Topbox #2: Lashem Topbox

Double Trouble Mascara (Full Size)
Eyelash & Brow Enhancing Serum (3ml)

Sometimes you need to add an extra cost to get certain Privé Topbox that you want and that will be the guaranteed box you'll receive next month. If there are no extra cost to swap, you might or might not get it. Because Privé Topbox are generally "more expensive" in terms of the value, it might not include 4 items as promised as you can see in Lashem Topbox. 

Unfortunately I'm not interested in any of the Privé Topboxes for next month so I opt for the regular Topbox instead. Fingers crossed next month's regular box will be an awesome one!

Merci Ma Chéri