2 August 2014

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

No matter how hard I try to counter the arguments I have in my head, I fail to feel better. I have never been this sad in my entire life. Ok maybe once, when I was at the end of my first year, walked out of the student advisor's office, I was so sad I could not hold it anymore, I sat down on a sofa at the Student Union's Building and started crying.

I felt dumb, stupid and worthless. I felt embarrassed, but I could not hold my tears.

I remember every details of what happened on that day. It was really painful. But I got one supportive friend who helped me go through my horrible days until it is over and help me to stand up on my feet again. I am forever thankful to that person. To think about it, I owe that person my life.

Fast forward 3 years after that, today, it's the same feeling again. I wish I could spare you the details, see which sides you'll take. But it doesn't matter, the damage has been done. It's the same dumb, stupid, and worthless feelings that I had when I was at the lowest point of my life.

I know I'll get up someday and will be able to stand up on my feet again. I know I am one hell of a strong girl. It's part of my survival skills that I have built over the years. I once thought no bullets could pass through this inner wall of mine that I built made out of steel. Little did I know words could crawl up the wall like a snake and poison me directly from the inside.

I will remember today, for the rest of my life. I will continue to grow with this memory and feelings forever in my little head. The wound that never heals, even if it eventually did, the scar will be permanent. I hope that you will notice how much damage you've done to me, but I'm glad you didn't. Because, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.

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